Maybe I spoke too soon. I DID try giving K time, and I guess he gave me time too. But now, I think the time we willingly gave unwillingly took away feelings. He pretends as if nothing happened between us before, and I talk to him like there's nothing special anymore. I'm appalled at myself, really. I thought ending the 'dating' period with no clean break wouldn't happen to me anymore. Thank God for friends.

It's only the 27th of the last month in the year, but I'm on my way to making sure that I stick to my resolutions. I'm going to quit smoking. I've only been at it for a year, so I don't see why I can't do it, right? The past week, I haven't had the dying urge to smoke as badly coz I was sick. I'm not going to buy a pack tomorrow. I'm quite convinced that I won't tomorrow. But wish me luck for the rest of the week. *fingers crossed*

I'm going to visit Kino or Borders more often. I am going to find my Ancient Egyptian history fiction to feed my love for it. If I don't spend on ciggs, I can definitely buy more books. Or buy more clothes. But my other resolution is to save my money. Lol.

I need to start cycling randomly again. Probably once every week during the weekend. I can't even walk to the TEP room without being breathless since I started smoking. Maybe get people who actually want to play amateur volleyball with me at the beach just to break into a sweat.

Oh yes, on a very random note. I will smile at my eyecandies in school just coz it's gonna be my last year in NYP. Just for the fun of it.

Someone left for Dubai/Abu Dhabi. We have a bookstore 'date' when he comes back. For now, I need to get ready for SI Grand Finale. I hope Charice sings Halo, she's my ultimate reason for going.

Heretic,
Nissa.

and that's what writers do. we put pen to paper in times of devastating tragedy and just try to make sense out of it. maybe we'll find clarity in some of those words. maybe we'll find peace.

you saw how much fun i was having, finally walking freely on my own, my reason for coming back not being only for you. you saw me smile the smile almost similar to when i smiled at you when we first met, but you knew that smile was not the exact smile you saw 4 years ago. you walked over as i was having another conversation, and asked if we were ready to go but then at that very moment i decided to stay on. so i said goodnight. i finally had the courage to say no to you, to prove you're not everything. i thought this was it. then you whispered the most bittersweet thing into my ears as you held on to my arm, he's not good enough for you. and you looked intensely into my eyes almost as if you meant everything you said and you wanted me to know that, then you turned and walked out. you left me there with my head in a spin, unsure of what was going on, what next.

don't do that.
it's not fair to me.

Christmas has been good so far.
for one thing that the annoying vain brother is back and he LOOKS more grown up.
but he's obviously not. still immature. hahahaha.
it's really good to have him around again.

everyone in the family kinda looks up to me for judgment on things.
apparently I seem to know what's best.
I hope my folks'll trust that I really have a good sense of judgment in more things, maybe I won't have to feel guilty about doing things by myself without letting them know. but I'm glad I feel like I've finally made up for those times.
I feel like as if I'm the eldest of my siblings now. heh.

CAN'T WAIT FOR NEW YEAR NOW!!
it'll be awesome, I can just feel it somehow.
:D

i got bored of my previous template, bet all of you were as well! so i had it changed. :)

lots had happened for the past few days, and before we hit midnight, let me wish all of you a very merry christmas! :) hope you guys had fun. was a quiet christmas for me; thanks baby for your company and everything, thanks markmark for the lovely chocolates! i really love the box. :))

it has been quite eventful, lots of good food and fun! :) prawning is the new thing; and clement's very badly addicted to it! D:

and now, all the fun's over. time for me to start some serious work. submission's less than a week away, and i haven't got started at all. :( time to pull up my socks!

I accomplished so much today. I feel quite focused.
but there were quite some complications today and yeah, trying not to let it affect me. (:
I'm going to enjoy Christmas, and then back to work.

I want to workkkkk. I'm finally going broke.
my EOS is waitingggggg! ):


merry christmas dee.
i always forget that you never forget;
although i always remember you on occasions like these, and unknowingly more..

and if you feel the wind brushing against your face,
those are my kisses finally catching up with you.

you made me the most loved girl on earth today.
if it's that warm&cosy feeling that you're still here with me even when you're not.
i love you.

life needs to slow down.

in the only 30 minutes of rest I got, I dreamt of something that almost killed me.

I dreamt I was at a beach, strolling along with someone. then we sat down for a while somewhere near the waters and then I stood back up and walked ahead. the water was so enticing and I just had to be at one with it. I sank my feet in and walked further on, until I realised the tide was rising so fast. then I start to feel it catching up to me, pulling me into its dance. every step I took back to the dry land was just hopeless, and I felt it pulling at my legs with every breath I took. I tried getting back, I tried, but it seem like no one heard me, no one saw me. it almost got me, if my scarf hadn't saved me. I actually fought against it all, the currents, the wind, till I became all frail. when I finally broke free, my scarf flew back into the waters, and I actually went back in to get it even though I knew it could drown me forever.

then I woke up panting in such deep breaths almost as though I was suffocating.

I just typed about three or four paragraphs worth of updates but I realise nothing matters if this blog seems dead. I might consider just ending this.

the "date" with Ben was awesome. good movie and awesome food! omg. I never thought Avatar could be kinda good but it's actually entertaining! worth the watch.

I SO HAVE TO SAY THIS.
LAO BEIJING is fucking awesome. (sorry, not Halal)

this was our menu:
Nobleman’s Braised Fish Maw Soup
Fried Prawns with Pumpkin Sauce
Chairman Mao’s Favourite Braised Pork
Braised Spinach Beancurd
Steamed Juicy Meat Buns
Chilled Herbal Jelly with Osmanthus Honey

the taste of every dish was just nice.
I'm definitely going there again.
it's not that cheap but damn worth the money, just like Crystal Jade.

and and and, there was a family of three sitting next to our table, and the baby girl was so adorable! I just looked at her and she broke into a super wide smile. like everytime. so I kept looking at her, then after a while when she's not smiling anymore, I smile at her and then she'll suddenly smile again!!!! SHE LOVES ME. she doesn't love Ben though; no matter how much he tried to smile at her or make himself look like an idiot just so she would smile, he always fails. her name's ISABELLA.. &she smiles when she looks at me, and when she turns to Ben, her smile is like totally gone. HAHAHA


moving on, those flying insects are like annoying and I think they love me too.
they're everywhere I go, and they always fly into my room. seriously WTF.
just now I got damn paranoid that a bug was on my neck!! (which was actually the tag)
it's fucked up I swear. ):

I'm not your friend please, so stop harassing me omg!

Tampines + Ubi + Airport + Pasir Ris + Tampines = Funny x 245981237!

Laughing + Awesome coffee + Cute Cheeky Baristas + Retail Therapy = GRINS ALL THE WAY HOME!

:D

something's been on my mind recently.
this look-

the bare back 'flowy' bright coloured dress (doesn't have to be floral or anything)
or anything bare back. ahhh. I'll never find it here. ):

anddd,
it's already 2 years and I haven't found the perfect sun dress.
not just ANY OTHER sundress; the PERFECT one.

something along this line:



maybe more volume at the bottom, and with plunging neckline or with a fine strap.



or this would be kind of sweet, but something about it is just not right.
I think the bottom is just too flat. could be better with more waves.
ugghhhhh.

my mom can make nicer and more fitting ones.
where's she when I need herrrr!! ):

I want to raid Katy Perry's wardrobe now!

something I thought I'd share about Krystie.
see, the standards of freelance models here have just dropped tremendously.

A Bitch by rumours?
I am a freelace model?
I completely dislike hypocrites?
HAHAHAHA!

such a humble person, really.
fuck, I love her to death.

she reminds me of this group of 3 girls who once sat next to our (Bel & I) table at Starbucks PS.. there was one girl who was, (I'm sorry to judge) just not fit to call others uncool or ugly.
and she was gossiping about how her friend was being pathetic by asking her to bring her along for clubbing as that girl has never gone clubbing before. she talked as though she was the queen of clubbers, and guess what, she's in CJC and has probably just turned 18 and went clubbing for a few times. maybe in her circle of friends, she thought she was the coolest? FUCK NO.

it's like how no serial clubber would ever want to admit he/she clubs, let alone shout out " I'M SUPER COOL! CUS I AM A CLUBBER!!". they would rather be thought of the other way.

that girl, she was wayy below average, her dressing just Can't Make It (CMI), she sits/talks so unglamorously for a girl who bitches about how uncool/nerdy another girl is. and the other girl at the table whom we thought was quite hot, didn't even speak half the kind words that fugly girl spoke! such irony right.

these are the kind of girls that get on my nerve, like really.
I think their mirrors at home must be cracked or are most probably not plane mirrors?
and if I have to be the bitch to slap them back down to earth, I really will.
the only thing they have to do is call out to me, and I'll be there.
I did that for Krystie; she just needed to grow up. (apparently she still hasn't)
it was to the extent that even her best friends apologised to me on her behalf, to stop everything.

I don't mind being the devil; if doing that will make things right or if it would make the world a better place.
I've always been one.

xoxo.

I really admire people who write well, or are actually captivating with their words. I was reading the works of a girl, and she totally enticed me, and I actually felt what she wrote. it was so down-to-earth, so abstract yet clear and concise. it's all expressed so beautifully, it keeps you locked, it steals the only breath out of you. I love it.

I'm good.
I'm good.
I'm better.

I don't mean to be such a bitch right now, but fuck yeah.

RULES; they're always meant to be broken.
I really want to live my life high and dangerous.
I really fucking have the urge to; I'm just a little sick of the mundane life.
I mean yes, I love it but even if I wish it were more peaceful and trouble free, it just won't be.
so why not live it on the other end?
maybe when I grow old, I'll repent for all that I've done? O:)

I find it strange after a few encounters..
FB chat always seems to be lagging; so they always ask for my msn.
nothing lags over at my side, as far as I know.

wings and drinks and L4D is the best combi ever.

lastly, my awesome dreams are back.
those fucking thrilling ones.
I think Avatar is getting to me. HAHA
and so is like the urge for cheap thrills.
ASK ME!! ASK ME!!
come onnnn!!

xoxo.